Healing and freedom

     Did you know that there's a difference between healing and freedom? I didn't. Not until recently, anyway.

    The thing is, I knew that there were a lot of things that I had received healing from. Things that  I had struggled with, old thought patterns, etc. And, i thought that meant that I had freedom also. Until our house fire happened.

    When I was recovering from my surgery, i was intentional about spending time with God and really pressing in to him because I wanted to process everything and be able to move on. I didn't really allow myself that after our flood, and it all ended badly, so I wanted to make sure I was fully healing. I noticed that I had a lot of anxiety, which I'm sure was a PTSD response because of those past traumas and things that happened with those traumas. So, my brain kind of automatically went back to that place, running down every possible rabbit hole of every possible outcome. I realized at the time that some of this was a normal trauma response. But, over time, my brain kind of got stuck in this whirlpool of thought associated with all of this. I kept fixating on all of these bad things that happened before and started trying to go on the mental and emotional defense to keep them from happening again. i don't know if you've ever done this, but it's exhausting.

    That's when I started getting frustrated because I thought those issues, those things were in the past and washed away. We were free from all of that! 

    Except I wasn't.

    See, healing is the removal of sickness or sin. Freedom is the liberation from bondage of that sin.

    The sin was gone. I had been healed, my husband and been healed. Those things, issues, thought patterns, behavior patterns were no longer a part of our lives. But, my mind was still in bondage, and I didn't even realize it. Somewhere inside, part of me thought that this trauma meant that old patterns were going to resurface and repeat. And the devil loves to take advantage of us in those situations. "Why should this time be any different?" "You know you guys are just going to end up right back in the same place." "Why even bother, you know how this is going to end." It's a terrible trap and a lie from the pit of hell!

    It was a hard fact to realize that, just because I had the healing, it didn't mean that I had the freedom. And that's what I so desperately wanted. I didn't want to live in mental bondage for the rest of my life. And, I"m not meant to- none of us are! I think it's normal to have trauma responses, and PTSD is a real thing. But, God doesn't want us carrying around the baggage of our past. And, just becuase we, or people we loved, responded poorly to situations before, that does not mean that old patterns will repeat. (no matter what the devil tells you)

    It takes work. Some days I still have to work at it. But, God has brought me too far and been too god for me to allow the devil to continue to live rent free in my mind. For me, freedom is becoming a celebration and declaration of the healing that God has given me. My sins are a part of my testimony and proof of God's grace and mercy in my life. But, they are not chains holding me down. They are not footholds for the devil. They are beautiful scars that are evidence of God's healing and love for me. 

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