No comparison

     My friend Michelle is probably one of the smartest women I know. I'm not just talking about intelligent. She's street smart and wise. Especially when it comes to anything spiritual. We've been friends for 15 years and she always has great advice, even when she doesn't know she's advising. She's also a born encourager, especially of women. She always has something uplifting to say, and she'll always point your eyes back to the Lord.

    Why am I bragging about my friend? I'm glad you asked!

    Recently she was posting videos on Facebook and Instagram talking about comparison. She was discussing that we as women have a tendency to compare ourselves to others, but we don't always compare ourselves to people in the same phase of life. Single moms compare themselves to married moms, working moms compare themselves to stay home moms, women compare themselves to other women in general. And, the minute we do that we fall in to this mindset of "not enough." 

    It's a terrible trap of the enemy! Nothing will steal your joy faster than trying to size yourself up next to someone else. I feel like women are more prone to this. Not saying that men can't or don't feel this way, I just feel like the world targets women a little more to "meet the mark" in certain areas, and it can be exhausting. We need to maintain a certain weight and shape, look a certain age, dress a certain way, make a certain amount of money, keep our house House Beautiful clean... 

    I have fallen, and still continue to fall in this trap. I've mentioned before that my husband, at one point, had met someone else and wanted a divorce. This woman was sending him pictures of her. And, her image was burned in to my brain for a long time. She was younger, thinner, blonder, with a perfect smile. And, all I could think for when i looked at her was "I can't measure up." 

    I was in my early 40s at the time, with gray hair and stretch marks after having 2 children. I was starting to put on weight, despite my best efforts (thank you perimenopause), my hair was getting more and more gray every day- this was a "no contest" situation in my mind.

    Thankfully for me, I had several amazing sisters in Christ who let me cry my eyes out to them because I could not measure up to this picture of perfection. And these amazing women reminded me of my own beauty. My gray hair, my stretch marks ( which she called battle scars), and my heart. I was reminded of qualities that were loved and admired. And, I was reminded that I could not compare myself to this woman. We were 2 different women with 2 different lives. 

    Several years later, i was fully in the misery known as perimenopause, and experiencing every possible miserable symptom that comes with it. All I saw were women who were about my age who were skating through perimenopause and living their best lives. So, of course I started thinking and feeling like I was doing something wrong because I was not as beautiful or vibrant as they were.

    After my hysterectomy, I had some time to think and reflect on this. During my recovery, I felt better than I had in the better part of a year, and I was focusing on getting healthy again. And I thought about all of the time I had spent beating myself up because my journey didn't look like the journey of other women my age. I realized what a weapon comparison is in the hands of the enemy. Because if the enemy can get us to take our eyes off of Jesus and put our eyes on what other people have that we don't, it will grow jealousy and envy in our hearts, which will create division.

    It's HARD. I still fall in to that trap myself sometimes. But one thing I'm embracing during this next phase of life is the learning how to love myself for who I am where I am. I'm a 45 year old wife and mom of 2 young adult kids who has worked in healthcare her entire adult life. I've made some huge mistakes. I don't wear a bunch of make up or use filters when I take pictures. (no shade to women who do, I'm all about making yourself feel comfortable and beautiful). I'm learning to cheer on other women who post pictures of themselves when they feel pretty and confident, because the days you feel that way are worth documenting. I'm also learning to feel as pretty and confident in my pjs as I do in my Sunday best. 

    Learning to love yourself is one of the most powerful things that we can do. It's not a selfish or self centered thing, it's about recognizing that our bodies are a gift from God, that we are daughters of the king, and we are fearfully and wonderfully made in his image.