Their security

     I've talked before about the mom guilt that I have carried around since our house fire. And, although I know that I didn't cause the fire, or the floods before the fire, we all also know that mom guilt is not rational. All we know as moms is that we love our kids and we want to protect them and keep them safe.

    I get it- we can't protect them from every bad situation, and we can't keep them from feeling pain- these things are a part of life. And, they need to learn how to be resilient and deal with things that come their way. That's the goal, right? To raise adults who can functionin society.

    After the fire, there were multiple issues with moving forward- selling our property, buying a house, etc. It started to feel like every time we saw a light at the end of the tunnel, something else happened that moved the goalpost. It wasn't just frustrating for me, it was frustrating for my husband and kids, too. 

    We were very blessed to have a home to stay in while we were getting life figured out. But, we all knew that this wasn't our forever home- our kids wouldn't even call it home, which made me sad. I still did my best to treat it like home, not just some extended stay we were at for the time being. I put some framed pictures of us on tables, I prepared meals the same way, family dinners, etc. But, we still knew this was a temporary stop.

    I talked to some of my sisters in Christ about it, especially as we encountered more roadblocks along the way. All I wanted to do was give my kids some security after a tragedy. And, the fact that I was doing everything in my power to do that and it wasn't enough made me feel like a failure as a mom.

    Thankfully, my sisters reminded me of a few key things. Number one, my children are now young adults. Yes, I'm their mom, and yes, I will always be here for them no matter what, but this is the phase in their lives where they need to start taking more responsibility for themselves and their lives. Trust me, I'm not kicking them out any time soon! But, they do need to start the stepping in to young adulthood phase. 

    Secondly, I can't be their security. Their father and I will always be their safe place when they need it. But, their security has to be in Jesus. And, how will they ever learn that if mom takes care of everything? Especially when I can't take care of everything. And, frankly, it's not my job! I did everything  that was in my power to do. But, what I need to be teaching them is how to lean on God in those moments of uncertainty, and how to make God my true security, even when it's hard to do so.

    This is the part of parenthood that's been hard for me. I've spent the last 20 years of my life raising and protecting my kids, and now I need to start the letting go process. I'll always be here for them, but this is the time in their lives, as they plan their futures and next steps, that they need to depend less on us as their parents and more on God to be their security and guide for the next phase of their lives. His plans for them far exceed anything that I could want or dream for them, and if there is one thing I have learned it's that God will never lead you somewhere that he will not provide for you. 

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