Before Christ

     Recently my husband was on a men's Bible retreat weekend where he had to speak. Prior to him giving his talk, my kids and I drove to the site of the retreat to pray over him before he spoke. We waited until he was done, then prayed over him again, along with a very powerful group of men. One of the men specifically asked my son to pray over him, and Matthew said, "Thank you that he wasn't always this man sitting here today so we could see your work in his life."

    That really struck me. Pretty much all of us have that BC/AC story (before Christ and after Christ, in case you were wondering) And, we all cheer for that "AC" person, the person that Christ transformed. But, how often are we thankful for that person we were before Jesus transformed us?

    I get it, because before Jesus, I know that I was a hot mess. After Jesus, there were points I was a hot mess! People have stories of suicidal ideations, drugs, alcohol, infidelity, and then Jesus entered the scene and completely turned our lives around. I know I'm eternally thankful for the work that God has done in my life.

    But, hearing my son pray this prayer over my husband made me stop and ask myself if I'm thankful for the person I was before Jesus transformed me. It's a hard question to answer, because are we ever truly thankful if we are a thief? Or an addict? Or a cheater? Not many. Not me.

    But, I am thankful that the person I was before Jesus was obedient to the calling on my heart to welcome a transforming savior in to it. I'm thankful that the person I was before Jesus recognized the hole in my heart that only he could fill. I'm thankful that the person I was before Jesus recognized that Jesus had more for me than I had for myself.

    It's hard to do- look back at the person we were before Jesus and be thankful, because that person is often marked by pain, loneliness, and bad choices. But, the older I get, the more I feel that this "before" picture deserves just as much applause as that "after" picture, because it was that "before" person that made a choice. That person had to be the one to exercise the free will of God in their lives, and choose God. To walk hand in hand every day with a savior who asked them to do things that felt counterintuitive, countercultural, out of our comfort zone, away from some daily habits, and just all around scary. Those "before" pictures are truly the beginning of our victory stories of Christ's work in our lives because we chose him. They allow us to fully appreciate this life we have in Christ, because we know what it is to try to do life without him. That's our battleground and our mission field to be able to reach people that maybe could not have been reached any other way. 

    I was in my mid twenties when I came to Christ. My life had not been wild and crazy, but I did make bad choices. I'm not thankful for any of the choices I made, but I'm thankful every day that I can look back and see the way that Christ has worked in my life in each situation. I would like to think that the woman I was 20 years ago, 10 years ago, or even 5 years ago would be proud of the woman I am now becuase, at some point, I chose Jesus over myself