Don't wait to say yes

     I've struggled with body image most of my life. i always felt like I was lesser than most of the girls I encountered. I didn't dress cool enough or trendy enough, I wasn't pretty enough or curvy enough. It seems like I was always reminded of all of the ways I fell short.

    My parents were good about encouraging me. They never put me down and gave me the standard mom and dad "You're beautiful just the way you are. Let's be honest though, when you're a teenage girl in high school, that doesn't always help a lot.. I mean, they're your parents, they're supposed to say that, right?

    It got a little bit better as I got older, but it probably took me until I was in my early 40s to really feel comfortable and confident in my own skin. I was in the best shape of my life and I felt really good about myself. I liked the way I looked in my clothes and I just felt healthy.

    After about 4 years worth of traumatic events, I found out that I was in perimenopause. This came with the super fun side effects of crazy hormone shifts, weight gain despite my best efforts, chronic fatigue and joint pain. After a barrage of tests, I decided that a total hysterectomy was the best choice for me.

    After my surgery, I was very diligent about taking care of my health. I started HRT and GLP-1 injections, I was monitoring my protein and fiber, I changed up my work out routine to include weight training, and was making sure my water intake was right on track .I lost a little bit of the weight I had gained, but not enough for my liking. I just was not making the progress I wanted in the time frame that I wanted.

    In the meantime, God put it on my heart to write a book. Now, this is something I had wanted to do for about 35 years, but I had given up  on it. So, hearing this gave me paused. I prayed about it, and God confirmed that I was to write a book, and what I was to write about. Not one single person knew that I was working on this.

    A few days after I finished it, a friend of mine approached me and told me that she had written a devotional and was self publishing it, and if I ever wanted to self publish, she could help me. She had no idea I had written it, she just said she felt God lay it on her heart to tell me that. So, she helped me move forward with it!

    I could not stop smiling the day I got the notification that my book was for sale and when I sold my first copy. It filled me with so much joy! This was a prayer of mine that I had wanted for a long time.

    When I pulled out my prayer journal to write the date in there, I very clearly heard God say, "I didn't wait." I kind of went, "Huh?" And God told me, "I didn't wait until you were the weight or the size you felt you should be, I didn't' wait until you had a certain amount of money in your bank account, I used you just where you are. All you had to do was say yes." 

    I gave God my yes, my full yes. Even though i didn't understand it, even though I didn't know where it was going to end up. I didn't know if the book was going to sell, or how many copies would sell if it did. I just knew that I felt the calling of God on my heart and wanted to be obedient.

    So many times we feel like we need to be our own version of "fixed" or "ready" for God to use us. But God will never ask us to do something that he will not equip us for. When he looks at us, he doesn't see and age, a weight, a size, or an economic class. He sees his child who was created for a purpose. He wants to use us where we are, no matter where we are. All we have to do is say yes.