what is intentional?

     When God told me that he was taking me in to a season of intentional, there were already some things that I was being pretty intentional about, particularly my health. i was also reading the book "Breaking Free From Body Shame" by Jess Connolly ( a must read, by the way), so I felt like things lined up pretty perfectly.

    I started praying to God about other areas in my life I knew that I needed to be intentional about. I also thought about the concept of being intentional. It means that we make choices that line up with a particular way of life, and sometimes a particular goal. Summer, aka "bathing suit season", a wedding, a vacation, a number on a scale. Sometimes we are intentional to reach a goal, and there is nothing wrong with that. It's important to have goals and to work to achieve them.

    I started thinking about myself and just thought, "OK, what happens when that goal passes?" When summer is over, the wedding is over, the pictures have been taken, when I hit that number on the scale... then what? I needed to examine my heart posture about "intentional." 

    Am I being intentional about my health because I want to look good in my daughter's wedding pictures? Or am I doing it because this is my God given vessel that has to carry me through my life? Am I being intentional about my marriage because this is "what God says to do" and I don't want to argue any more, or because I recognize what a gift and blessing marriage is?

    God did not give me this body to care for just for a series of events on a calendar, a number on a scale, or pictures taken. Yea, I like looking nice in the pictures, but I also want to feel good and healthy when I'm doing the laundry or cleaning my house, or sitting down to dinner with my family. This body is my vessel for a lifetime, and it deserves care and love.

    Yes, I want to have a good marriage because I don't want to fight. But, I also want to honor God and remember what a gift that marriage is, and what a gift my husband is. 

    It wasn't enough for me to be intentional, I needed to ask God why I was being intentional. What was my heart posture behind it? Did I want to be rewarded by the world? Or was I focused on honoring Jesus?

    I 100% can not do this on my own. I need to pray every single day that  I allow God in  my heart, to get my flesh out of the way and let him work in me. I need to allow God to change my heart so that my motivation lines up with his word. It can be challenging because we live in a world that inundates us with what is considered good and acceptable, and what our goals should be. I have to ask God every single day to work in me and give me mercy and grace when I fail. Which I do. every day. But those are the days that I just thank God that he is able to look at my heart and know that I want to draw closer to him.  

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