Taking Faithful Steps

      It's been over a month since my house burnt down. I have to say that this was one of the most surreal things that I have ever lived through in my entire life. In fact, there are parts of that night that I still don't remember. All I can think is that the Lord is protecting me from what I'm not ready for.     Since we have been in what I have referred to as our temporary permanent housing, I've really tried to get quiet with God and focus on what I was feeling so that I could work on healing. From personal experience, I can say that when you shove trauma down, and all of the feelings that go with it, it always comes back later and very rarely in a positive or constructive way.     Obviously this is different from any trauma that I have ever experienced. Even when our house flooded, there was still the knowledge that we would be able to rebuild (like half of the state). But, standing there, watching my home burn, seeing the fire spread more and mor...

      Throughout the entire process of losing our home, I have heard people say, "Well, God obviously has something better for you." And, let me tell you, while that may be true, it isn't always what I wanted to hear in the moment.     The thing is, I know the character of God well enough to know that he would not allow us to go through the tragedy and trauma of losing our home and 2 kittens in a fire on Christmas day to put us in a situation of homelessness or eternal struggle. But, that doesn't mean that I found much comfort in that statement while I was watching my home burn to the ground or dealing with the aftermath of the fire.     What I have come to realize over the course of the past few months, is yes, God will sometimes allow these big things to happen to us because we may not otherwise have moved. And typically, yes, he does that because he wants better for us.      But, better is not synonymous with easy.     Just ...

      If each of us is honest, every time we sit down to pray, we have our desired outcome in mind. Maybe some of you don't, but I'll admit that I do. I feel like it's human nature to have the way we want things to work out in our minds, and that answer very rarely involves trials or being patient. I know that I've done it, and it usually leads to disappointment.      I have a tendency to have the "perfect scenario" play out in my mind, and that's what I pray for. Very rarely have things played out that way, which usually leads to a lot of frustration, and sometimes even wondering if God is listening to me. I would have the occasional grown child tantrum to God, some tears may have been shed, and usually an overwhelming feeling of helplessness and lack of direction.     Obviously this was not a pattern that I wanted to continue. I didn't want to go through the rest of my life acting like a spoiled child when God didn't answer my prayers the way th...

​I’ve made it no secret that I have struggled with how to pray over the years. I am a very problem.-solution type of person, so I have looked for the “ magic formula” for a while, but I think I’ve gotten pretty good at adjusting my prayers to my season of life. (actually, I’m just trying to be less stubborn about being obedient to a God is telling me to do.) My husband and I are facing a little bit of a challenging situation. I was sitting at home one morning, praying about everything, and I really felt the Lord telling me to speak it out. So, I started thinking, God out loud for his resolution on the subject. I got specific about certain details and just kept thanking him over and over. I had prayed about this particular situation several times already. But it had mostly been at the table quietly to myself. But when I felt God telling me to pray out loud about it, I felt like I was taking authority over my own worry and doubt. I was reminding myself of God’s authority, and I was effec...

      All throughout our Christian life and walk we are told things like faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" to remind us to have faith in all situations. We're told that "all things are possible with God" to remind us that God's ability exceeds our own.     But, what happens when you're living in the "things not seen" and "all things" phase? What happens when you're living in the in between?     I know that God can because God has. God has blessed us above and beyond what we ever could have imagined during one of the worst tragedies of our lives. Every immediate need was met, and needs past the immediate. So, I have faith that God can.     I'm struggling with having faith that God will.     Right now we are in a situation that looks humanly impossible. My husband and I have done everything within our limits, but we are still being told that there will be roadblocks and challenges. And for m...

      I've talked before about struggling with how to pray. It isn't that I don't want to pray, or that I don't have anything to pray about. It's just that sometimes I struggle with how to even get started or what to say.     One of our pastors was giving a sermon about this one time and it sat with me ever since. He said to pray in circles. Now, when I hear "pray in circles" my first response is "umm, no.", because I think circular conversation. You know the kind- no real solution, just saying the same thing over and over. Why on earth would I want to pray like that?     Then he explained it, and it really clicked. He said that his first circle is God. He starts by just thanking God for who he is and what he does, Then his next circle is himself. He prays that he can be the man, husband and father that he is called to be, and just tries to position his heart right. His next circle is his wife, then his children, etc.     Now, as a wife and a...

       My dad and I have had a fractured relationship for a long time. I posted a while ago about some correspondence via snail mail that occurred right before Christmas. In a way, I was trying to extend an olive branch, but, more importantly, I was being obedient to something I felt God was telling me to do. Every letter I received from him seemed to be more of a laundry list of why everything was my fault. My family kept checking on me, but I told them that I was ok. And I was. I truly felt that I had peace with the fact that there was no relationship there and that he couldn't gaslight or guilt me any more.     Or so I thought.      On Christmas day, my house burned down after we finished eating Christmas dinner. My husband, our 2 children, their other halves, and our daughter's best friend were inside, along with all of our fur babies, 2 of which did not make it. Within hours, it was all over social media, thanks to a friend of ours who p...